Five Ways to Tame Your Inner Critic
And Create an Inner Ally in the Process
Before going further on our journey to create communities of light by finding and lifting your voice of tidings and great joy, let’s take on your critical inner voice.
Meet Larry
You know that critical inner voice that always pushes back against anything good you want to do, create, or accomplish? It’s always there, ready to present a downside to every upside or opportunity. If you like it, want to build it, or think it’s a good idea, that pundit is the consummate detractor.
In my case, that demon is a male. Lucky for me, I have only one voice to contend with. If I had more voices echoing in my mind, I would start to worry!
He thinks we are on a first-name basis, so I call him Larry.
Larry is a super good-looking guy. Complete with a full head of slicked-back dark hair, sapphire blue eyes, masculine jawline, and physically fit, of course.
Two heavy gold chains fail to restrain chest hair protruding from an unbuttoned open collar off-white silk-cotton blend dobby woven shirt. Squared shirt tails casually drape over natural camel color Loro Piana Vicuna jean trousers. Larry never lets socks get between his bare feet and white loafers, also provided by Loro Piana.
Despite being the total cliche of a person, I would like Larry if he wasn’t such a jerk.
And ladies, you are not safe. I hear Larry has a sister who is just as deplorable.
You may have already met Larry or his sister. Either may be living in your headspace rent-free right now. If so, you are familiar with the battle to quiet that critical inner voice.
That voice can hinder our self-confidence, motivation, and success if left unchecked.
It is almost always harsh, discouraging, judgemental, critical, and demeaning. These are some my Larry’s favorite tactics:
“Readers will not like what you write. Nobody will read it. You will suck!
“You will never play the guitar very well. Look at all the time you have already wasted. Why bother?”
“Why didn’t you do it this way?”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“You are a fraud, and everyone will find out.”
“You have a face best for podcasting and a voice only your mother could love.”
“Videos? You of all people, want to create videos? Good luck with that one!
Sometimes, my “Scarry Larry” even tries to take on the role of my benevolent big brother, “Hey, I’m only protecting you from failure and being embarrassed in public.”
If any of this sounds familiar to you, keep reading.
(Larry says, “Keep reading anyway so you can make fun of Russell’s mental state later!” Thanks a lot, Larry.)
Ways to Tame Your Inner Critic
It's important to acknowledge the presence of your inner critic and understand its intentions. While it may try to protect you, its approach can be unhelpful. By realizing this, you can distance yourself from the critic. Lessen its influence.
Here Are Five Ways to Silence Your Inner Critic
One. Name your inner critic.
A big help is to give your inner critic a name and a character. Giving the voice a fictitious life identity helps to separate yourself from the voice. Doing so also empowers your authentic self.
Because you have given your inner voice life, you also can end that life. You are real, it isn’t.
Two. Don’t feed the beast.
The lifeblood of my Larry is attention. He perks up and comes gleefully to life when I start to listen.
Here is the trick I use to put ol’ Larry back in detention.
As a teenager, my dad gave me a secret key for dealing with offensive people. His advice was simple, “Russ boy, ignore obnoxious behavior.”
So, now I push the mute button on Larry and ignore him when I choose to. He hates that and throws a silent temper tantrum to get my attention. But I ignore him. Soon, Larry just goes to his corner and mopes.
But I also retain the power to unmute him on my terms if I think he has something worthwhile to offer.
Three. Challenge the Voice.
Because you have named your inner critic, you can aggressively challenge and counter negative comments with facts about yourself and your work in a very personal way and replace those inner voice snarky comments with optimistic affirmations about your capabilities and value.
Go ahead. Call that bully out by name and back it down with force.
Four. Be Kind to Yourself.
You can choose how nice to be to your inner critic. Remember, it is not a real being. It is certainly not honest and does not represent the authentic you!
But, always be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that imperfection is part of being human and that failure can lead to growth. Treat yourself with the same empathy you would offer to a friend.
Five. Speak Openly About Your Critic.
Look, we all have one!
Discussing your critic with trusted individuals such as friends, family, or professionals can provide mutually beneficial perspectives and management approaches.
Turning Your Inner Critic Into an Ally
Like all bullies, your critical inner voice will become a compliant puppy once you have proven you are the Pack Alpha of your mental real estate.
The conundrum here is that sometimes your inner critic actually has something worthwhile to say.
You can transform your Scarry Larry into a marginally likable ally by wearing a silk glove over your steele fist and providing a figurative smack to their nose.
Then, it is worth listening to the inner pundit once you are in control. Sometimes, they tell us to be careful for a reason, an intuitive prompting that something is not quite right about a person, job, or situation.
Or we have a nagging feeling that our creation isn’t quite complete yet and that we should put in some more work before we launch it.
Here are some suggestions on how to work with your inner critic as an ally.
Stay in Control.
My Scary Larry is like a cat. Show that cute little calico from next door a little kindness once, and it will claim a bit more space on each subsequent visit. Before you know it, you are stocking 32 can cases of Friskies pate favorites in your pantry so your furry little friend can have a nice treat each day!
Once the detractor is bound, only give your inner critic the least amount of say in your mental space with your express invitation and permission.
The little devil is crafty and will worm its way back in if you are not diligent.
Listen Interactively.
Your inner voice is a product of your mind and intellect.
By becoming aware of your inner critic and its method of communication, you can recognize the voice is a part of you but does not define your entire self.
Instead of dismissing your inner critic, invite it to speak according to your rules and then listen carefully to what it says. Sometimes, it can offer valuable insights or highlight areas for improvement.
Then, have a conversation within the boundaries you have established.
Shift the dialogue from criticism to coaching by considering how the inner critic’s observations can be used constructively for growth and learning.
Summon Your Inner Advocate.
Balance the inner critic by listening to your inner advocate, which remembers your strengths and accomplishments.
Remain Curious.
Approach your inner critic with curiosity rather than judgment. This perspective helps you understand why it arises and how it can benefit you.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with our inner critic can be challenging. But with understanding and effort, we can learn to handle it.
Let’s be kind to each other. As members of The Fifty-two Seven Alliance, we refuse to enable the critical inner voices others are dealing with to offer their unwanted commentary.
Now, for my affirming benefit, I offer this parting shot:
“Sit down and shut your trap, Larry. If you trespass uninvited into my headspace, I will have you arrested and banished into outer darkness. I will let you know when you can speak.”
Thanks for reading and thinking for yourself! Be sure to subscribe so you do not miss out on future posts.
Russell Anderson
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P.S. Helping each other publish peace and tidings of great joy is a big part of what we hope to accomplish with the Fifty-two Seven Alliance. You are invited to join us in this endeavor when you are ready!
Have questions about The Fifty-two Seven Alliance? You can find answers in our FAQ post here.