Some Ideas on How to Manage the Expectation Gap
Five Tactics to Keep Your Joy Meter in the Green
A storm is upon us.
We are all familiar with the saying, “History repeats itself.”
Guess what? I don’t think history repeats itself.
Instead, weak, prideful leaders are susceptible to deranged thinking and repeat the same mistakes of former generations time and time again. That pattern is evident today.
The saying credited to Albert Einstein comes to mind (although there's no evidence that Einstein ever said it).
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
I don’t want to bum anyone out, so I won’t speculate on what I think could be coming. However, I am confident you can figure that out for yourself, as plenty of information is available for anyone willing to pay attention and do a little research.
I will venture this far, though.
With all of the risks and vulnerabilities we currently face as a nation, I think a single or combination of simultaneous events WILL transpire sooner or later to challenge our society and culture in ways unlike any other time in our country’s history.
If what I am alluding to bothers you or seems silly, I will not be hurt if you stop reading now.
On the other hand, if any of this resonates, keep reading to learn a solid approach I use to keep my head straight in today's world.
Now is a wonderful time to live!
During the October 2011 Conference, Elder Boyd K. Packer shared this message directed toward the youth:
“Sometimes you might be tempted to think as I did from time to time in my youth: “The way things are going, the world’s going to be over with. The end of the world is going to come before I get to where I should be.” Not so! You can look forward to doing it right—getting married, having a family, seeing your children and grandchildren, maybe even great-grandchildren.”
Uncertainty has increased with exponential vigor since 2011, making Elder Packer’s message one we can all appreciate now more than ever.
We live in exciting, rewarding times!
But it’s not always easy, is it?
Rolling with today’s world is often draining spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
“We signed up for this?” is a question I often ask myself.
Maintaining Perspective and Promoting Personal Joy in Our Time
A few days ago, I posted an essay titled “A Primer in Managing the Expectation Gap.”
The central premise of the post is that unhappiness is often the by-product of disappointment, defined as the GAP between what was expected and what was received.
To be happy in times of change, be prepared to manage the disappointment GAP.
That means relying on those things that are constant so no disappointment GAP is possible.
Here are Five Ways We Can Strive to Manage Expectations and Avoid Disappointment
1. Honor our Spiritual DNA
Remember that we are spirit children of heavenly parents, created in their image.
We were taught and prepared to live in this time before we were born into mortality (D&C 138:56).
Our Father in Heaven’s purpose is clear:
Moses 1:39
“For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.”
Because He is perfect, His plan is perfect. That means we can accomplish what is required in any circumstance when we remain steadfast, don’t give up, and do our best to stick with the plan.
An expectation gap does not exist in the Father’s plan. The only unknown is how long it may take to receive “All that the Father hath. (D&C 84:38)” We will undoubtedly experience setbacks along the way, but we can trudge on with the knowledge we can never permanently fail and will ultimately prevail.
Moving forward is how we honor our spiritual DNA.
2. Focus on Christ
He will not fail us. He cannot fail us.
In the pre-mortal realm, we collectively took the most incredible leap of faith ever recorded in eternal history when we declared with one voice, “Yes! We know you will keep your word and redeem us!”
Our pure faith was perfectly founded upon the Savior’s role of redemption in the Father’s plan.
I do not doubt that He kept His promise to us.
Now is the time we keep our promise to Him.
“Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord.”
-Exodus 14:13
For me, that means when things get dicey, I will curl up in the lap of Him, who is my friend, big brother, and savior.
There is no expectation gap in that safe place.
3. Rely on Revelation
Our Father and our Savior speak to us today through the Holy Ghost. They hear us. They answer us.
President Russell M. Nelson’s talk at the April 2018 Conference was excellent and has been quoted often since! It was perfect to prepare us for what is coming. You may remember this quote or heard it repeated since:
“But in coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost.
My beloved brothers and sisters, I plead with you to increase your spiritual capacity to receive revelation.”
Here are a couple more excerpts from that talk of others that President Nelson himself quoted:
“Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen! Write the thoughts that come to your mind. Record your feelings and follow through with actions that you are prompted to take. As you repeat this process day after day, month after month, year after year, you will ‘grow into the principle of revelation.’”
- Joseph Smith
“To those who have eyes to see and ears to hear, it is clear that the Father and the Son are giving away the secrets of the universe!”
- Neal A. Maxwell
Returning to the October 2011 Conference talk by Elder Boyd K. Packer mentioned earlier, the youth were given this wise counsel:
“While patriarchal blessings are very private, I will share a short quote from mine: “You shall be guided through the whisperings of the Holy Spirit and you shall be warned of dangers. If you heed those warnings, our Heavenly Father will bless you so that you might again be united with your loved ones.”
What does your patriarchal blessing say? If you don’t have it yet, consider getting it!
Elder Packer also offered this little nugget.
“The gift of the Holy Ghost, if you consent, will guide and protect you and even correct your actions. It is a spiritual voice that comes into the mind as a thought or a feeling put into your heart.”
Personal revelation can remove doubt and eliminate the disappointment of unfulfilled expectations.
4. Endeavor to be Obedient
Obedience closes the gap between us and heaven. The atonement bridges the gap even when we come up a little short.
Several years ago, I was with my dad and recorded his voice for future generations. I asked him, “Dad, if you could share only one bit of advice with your posterity, what would you have us know?”
Without missing a beat, he replied simply, “Follow the prophet, pay your tithing, and be obedient.”
Honestly, I was expecting much more of a profound proclamation from my dad!
But As time passed, his simple counsel settled into my heart.
I also know Dad was not suggesting anyone follow the prophet in blind obedience.
If the prophet precedes or follows a statement with some derivative of, “Thus saith the Lord,” I only need confirmation of the Holy Ghost to comply.
But such occurrences are rare.
Nonetheless, it is worth remembering that the prophet, his counselors, and the Quorum of Twelve Apostles members are wise, seasoned veterans of life. They do not say anything lightly or without forethought. I give a lot of credence to their words.
But do I mindlessly follow their personal philosophies or direction?
Nope! No way!
Here is what I do:
Attentively listen with respect;
Research what was said by comparing it to previous similar statements while noting who said them and the frequency of such statements;
Compare what was said with the scriptures;
Thoughtfully ponder what was said, and finally
Confirm what was said and what I choose to believe or the decision made with the Holy Ghost.
5. Remember the War in Heaven Continued on Earth
In this life, we all risk making poor moral choices. It is not pleasant to endure the pain of self-inflicted poor decisions. Witnessing loved ones deal with the consequences of bad decision-making can also be excruciating.
The good news is the atonement makes it possible for nearly all mistakes to be reversed and spiritual blunders to be erased.
But that doesn’t eliminate the pain experienced in the moment.
One tactic that can reduce, though not eliminate, the pain of coming up spiritually short is to Recognize the war in heaven is still going on here and EXPECT SPIRITUAL WOUNDING
That is a weird solution when you first consider it.
But spiritual wounding and even spiritual death, in rare instances, are a reality in this life. So, to deal with that reality, we should acknowledge it head-on.
In war, when companions fell wounded or dead, the contingent did what they could for the fallen but focused on moving toward the objective.
The same is true regarding the war we are engaged in here while we each drink up our portions of post-traumatic stress!
Paul’s epistle to the Ephesians (Chapter 6) also applies today:
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
We can expect spiritual wounding and even spiritual death to occur around us.
The difference is, in this war, our CHOICES determine if we remain safe or are to be wounded or even killed.
If we do fall, the atonement is there for healing, BUT that is all based on personal choice.
What do we do when a loved one falls wounded spiritually?
Do not freak out. Part of managing the expectation gap prepares us for the eventual bumps in life that pop up sooner or later. It may still feel like a sharp stick in the eye at the time, but it was not unexpected.
Do provide pure love and help dress the wounds with encouragement to apply the principles of repentance and atonement
Recommit to remain personally UNWOUNDED and determined to PRESS FORWARD, ignoring the hailstorm of fiery darts hurled our way.
Final Thoughts
Fulfilling the circumspect prophecy of Doctrine and Covenants Section 45, verse 26, our modern days are ripe with “wars and rumors of wars.” The earth is “in commotion,” and men’s hearts are failing from physical, emotional, and spiritual illness.
Let’s return our attention back to Elder Packer’s 2011 conference address for a moment. He closed with this promise:
“If you will follow these principles, you will be watched over and protected and you yourself will know by the promptings of the Holy Ghost which way to go, for “by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.”16 I promise you that it will be so and invoke a blessing upon you, our precious youth, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”
If you have read this whole post, I am impressed! I appreciate your interest in investing your time and hanging out with me!
Thanks for reading and pondering with me! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss out on future posts.
Russell Anderson
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P.S. Nobody in this temporal world is coming to save us!
In that case, how about we save ourselves by working together to build a Zion society we can present to the Savior upon his return, whenever it may be?
You are invited to join us in this worthwhile endeavor at The Fifty-two Seven Alliance.
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Great Article Russ !